Don't spend your life comparing yourself to others. While it may seem that someone else is going through a hard time, it does not mean that what you're going through isn't important. If someone is more open about what they're going through, it doesn't make your life and your experiences any less real. If someone isn't really open about what their life and their experiences, it doesn't mean that their what they feel is not real.
We're all human. It's natural for us all to feel different things and react differently to events in life. Nothing about us is one size fits all. We're different and that's good. That's what makes us all so special. That's also why we all need to have our differences respected and in respecting other people and their differences, we have to respect that we are different and our own differences need to be respected. Be good to you. You're worth it!
We matter. Our lives matter. Look at the
person next to you, behind you, in front of you--think of the next
person you're going to see. They matter. Their life matters. Their
experiences and lives are valid and they deserved your respect.
You have the right to make choices about your own life. It's okay for you to say no. It's okay for you say yes. Having decisions over your own life is so empowering.
Don't let other people decide your life. You have the power to be your own advocate. This is the foundation of being true to yourself and taking care of your self. This is being honest. When you say yes or no, you're following your belief.
Saying no does not make you selfish. Saying yes doesn't make you selfish. What's best for you is what's important and taking care of yourself means that you answer for you.
I want to get into the habit of celebrating myself. So I decided to have a photo shoot with myself every month on the 6th. I tried to do this my senior year of high school to see how much I changed over the months but I don't think I was there emotionally to celebrate myself every month. I've changed a lot since then so I want to try it this year.
Every month on the 6th, I'm going to get dolled up, or not, and get comfy with my camera. I pick the 6th so that it will fall on my birthday come August. So I did my photo shoot today and I loved it. I really felt great about it so I'm going to write it off as self care. I think I'm going to keep up with this to the best of my abilities.
I was really exciting about my photo day! I got to play with my make-up and feel glamorous! I loved it. What I thought was interesting was that my favorite photo was myself in my satin cap right before I washed my make-up off.
The photos:
Today I feel at peace. I feel productive. I'm relaxed. I'm happy to be in my own skin today. I enjoyed a great cup of coffee today. I didn't do everything on my to-do list but I'm okay with that. Today was a pretty good day!
My quote of the day is, “The first time someone shows you who they are, believe them.”
―
Maya Angelou.
My favorite parts of the day are when I have the chance to talk honestly with someone. It doesn't have to be a specific topic or even a specific person. I just love being able to be in a conversation and having the opportunity to share ideas and talk about feelings and just generally be in a safe place that promotes healthy thinking. I'm finding that this is an important part of my self care. It doesn't even have to be with someone that I'm really close with--I love those moments when I can talk honestly with the people I care deeply about but I also love when I can talk honestly with people I've just met and with people that I've only known for a short period of time.
This past week, I've had two of those special honest conversations with people that I didn't know that well. Both conversations were about life and the future. We talked about goals and dreams and visions. It was wonderful. It also eased the fears I had of my future plans. I was very glad I had the time to talk to them. The conversations were great enhancements to my life and my spirits.
It's so important to have people around that you can talk to about what's important to you. People with similar interests, goals, and values. I think it's great to have someone to vent to and talk about your day to. Conversation is important because sometimes they're magical.
Imagine an end of the day conversation over a nice cup of hot herbal tea. That's one of my reasons to smile. ♥
“I am a wonderful woman who is constantly healing and growing to become
stronger as each day goes by.” --Kiyanna
Shanay’s positive affirmation
I went to an empowerment conference a few months ago designed
by the Black Female Development Circle, an organization at my school created to
uplift, educate, and empower women. I’m always looking for environments that
focus on uplifting and empowering people so needless to say I loved it! The
affirmation I made that day was from their self-esteem workshop.
My affirmation is a reminder to myself not to give up. I
shouldn’t give up on my dreams. I shouldn’t give up on myself. Everyday I’m
learning more about myself and I’m growing as a person. I’m beautiful. I’m wonderful
and I’m worth whatever effort it takes to keep on going on.
My affirmation is a reminder to me that it’s okay to have
bad days. It’s okay to take a personal day if things get too tough to handle.
It’s an important part of my self-care.
My affirmation is a reminder to me that self-care is
important. Taking care of myself is so important because if I don’t take care
of myself than how will I be able to grow and to thrive?
My affirmation reminds me that I’m more than my past
experience, my past downfalls, my rough days, my g.p.a., my grades, my fights,
or my disappointments. I’m much more than that. I’m my own person who is
learning from past mistakes and who in understanding more and more that
mistakes are okay. We grow out of the darkness to rise again—and be better than
we were before.
There is good in everyday. My positive affirmation is a
reminder of that.
I want to share this with you just as a reminder that safe places are important. It's important to be in an environment where you are comfortable to express yourself and your feelings. If someone makes you feel like less of a person when you try to be your self or express your feelings then they are not providing you with safe place. They may not be doing it on purpose but it happens so you just have to be on the look out for people who may be bringing you down. That way, you're taking care of yourself. You should never feel belittled for talking about what's important to you.
When you're in a situation like this, it's hard to figure out what to do. You might not want to eliminate them completely from your life so what do you do? I think when you have someone in your life that is providing a high amount of toxic energy but you can't separate yourself there are a few things you can do.
Try to avoid topics that result in conversations that can hurt you and further damage your relationship. If you're struggling with body issues and this person is constantly policing your body, then try not to have conversations about your body with them.
Let them know that certain things that they say bother you. If someone tells you to just "cheer up" when you're feeling depressed, tell them why that's not okay. Tell them that when they say things like this to you, it hurts you because it makes it seem like the depression you feel is something simple that can just be fixed by changing your facial expression.
Focus on the positives. Try to ignore any negatives that they may be sending and vent later if you need to.
Most importantly, remember that you are enough. You're a beautiful and wonderful person. No one can ever change that.
I found this link of a list of Your Legitimate Rights. Keep these in mind when you're struggling.
You have a right to need things from others.
You have a right to put yourself first sometimes.
You have a right to feel and express your emotions or your pain.
You have a right to be the final judge of your beliefs and accept them as legitimate.
You have the right to your opinions and convictions.
You have the right to your experience - even if it’s different from that of other people.
You have a right to protest any treatment or criticism that feels bad to you.
You have a right to negotiate for change.
You have a right to ask for help, emotional support, or anything else you need (even though you may not always get it).
You have a right to say no; saying no doesn’t make you bad or selfish.
You have a right not to justify yourself to others.
You have a right not to take responsibility for someone else’s problem.
You have a right to choose not to respond to a situation.
You have a right, sometimes, to inconvenience or disappoint others.
I sent this to a friend a while back for a project she was doing. It's the only picture I can find of me in pajamas. I have lots of great pajama pants that I think are cute but the clothes I end up sleeping in are just random. I usually just end up in a t-shirt.
Your favorite holiday/winter quote
This is one of my favorite quotes the movie Love Actually. It doesn't really say anything specifically about the holidays but it's a holiday movie and this is my blog so it fits. It's also a really great quote about love.
"Whenever I get gloomy with the state of the world, I think about the
arrivals gate at Heathrow Airport. General opinion's starting to make
out that we live in a world of hatred and greed, but I don't see that.
It seems to me that love is everywhere. Often, it's not particularly
dignified or newsworthy, but it's always there - fathers and sons,
mothers and daughters, husbands and wives, boyfriends, girlfriends, old
friends. When the planes hit the Twin Towers, as far as I know, none of
the phone calls from the people on board were messages of hate or
revenge - they were all messages of love. If you look for it, I've got a
sneaking suspicion... love actually is all around."
"The cruel words of one are nothing compared to the shouts of many."
♥
I recently watched Anderson Cooper's special on bullying. Bullying has always been an social issue that I've held near my heart. I really want to see this one day become a problem that isn't harming so many lives. I think that the solution begins with us. We need to stand up against bullying. We need to intervene when we can. We need to let people know that it's okay to tell someone that you're being bullied. We need to create more safe places. We need to stop blaming the victims.
Let's talk about bullying. It's a real thing. The aftermath is very real. Bullying is leading to suicides, depression, self-harm, and eating disorders among many other things. The panel on Anderson Cooper's show brought up some really good points. Here are some of the points that really stuck out to me.
Degrading people is never right.
How do people benefit from degrading people? There is no reward for making people feel bad. "The only time you should be looking down on someone is when you are helping them up."
Bullying is 24 hours a day now.
Bullying goes beyond in-person interactions. Cyberbullying is just as real and it's effects are heard and seen all over the world. Be careful of what you say to people online. Don't let the veil of your computer screen be an excuse for you to degrade people. Just because they can't see you or hear you doesn't mean they can't be hurt by what you're saying.
If someone is bullying you online, report it. Block them. Tell someone. I know that it's harder online to report it but don't keep it to yourself. Let someone know what is going on.
In 77% of bullying incidents, no bystanders intervene.
If you see bullying going on and you think that you can do something about it then you should stand up and do something about it. You know the saying, "If you see something, say something."
Bullying will not help you achieve higher social status in the long run.
The reason a lot of people bully is because they think it will raise their social status. This isn't true. On Anderson Cooper's show, they did a study that reported bullying does not help people gain higher social status. There is no long term satisfaction from bullying. It won't make you feel better. Bullying someone will not improve your life.
People care.
Don't you ever forget that there are people out there that care. There are people you can go to. While we still need to improve on our safe places as a society, there are people who care about your well being. Know that you cantalktome.
Look at this video of a news anchor publicly standing up to her bullies. Let this be a reminder that there a people willing to stand up against bullying. Let this be a reminder that bullying isn't just happening in one age group. Let this be a reminder that inspiration and hope can be found anywhere. Let this be a reminder that we all deserve to be respected and nothing should ever change that.
"There is no one else like you on the planet. There never has been and there never will be. You are forever a unique, divine creation."
Louise L. Hay
Don't forget to take care of yourself because you are one of a kind. I often forget about taking care of myself. It's important that we take care of ourselves. When we take care of ourselves, it improves all aspects of our lives.
I added this other picture of the inspirational Demi Lovato because she is such a great role model. Her message is amazing. It's great to have support from someone who has taken a stand and shared their journey. We are BEAUTIFUL.
So I say this a lot. I say it a lot because I know it's true. I know that it's something we all need to here. I'll keep saying it as long as I can. I look around all the time and I still see the need for it.
You are absolutely beautiful. You're a beautiful soul in a beautiful body. Claim your body and love your body. It's the only one you'll ever have. Respect it and cherish it.
Love yourself. You're special. Be proud of yourself. Tell yourself the truth, that you are beautiful and you make the world a better place just by being in it.
I was so excited about it today. I wore yellow for the occasion to symbol sunshine and happiness. It also shows off my beautiful legs and looks great with my new favorite shoes. It's more than just the clothes though... What's most important is how great I feel! I love it. I love me. I love my body, my smile, my eyes, my everything. This is the only body I'll ever had and I intend to keep loving it.
I hope you're feeling the love! I hope you love your body too. You are a masterpiece. ♥
Tip 10: Be your body’s friend and supporter, not its enemy.
Listen to your body. Don't be so hard on yourself. If you're not feeling too comfortable in your body, take a look in the mirror, take a deep breath, relax, and k about what is making you uncomfortable.
For me, I think that I really want to figure out what I'm eating that's been making me sick lately so that I can stop getting sick! I also want to take better care of my hair. I should want my hair to be as healthy as my body. I'm not very nice to my eyes. I could really take better care of them. I sleep in my contacts a lot and that's just not fair to my eyes.
The truth is, we're only given one body. It's the only body we'll ever have. Sure we can do a lot of things to it but is torturing our body really going to make us any happier. If our bodies are happy then we can be happy.
A beautiful girl with a beautiful smile and a beautiful voice. Jordin Sparks is absolutely amazing.
She was also on my get up and go playlist that really made my mornings something beautiful. Her song "Faith" really touches my heart. I cry almost every time I hear it. It's really a song that everyone needs to hear at least once. It's important to know your strength and to know that it's important to believe in yourself and to keep carrying on. As if listening to this every morning didn't already brighten my day, her song "One Step At a Time" occasionally came on during lunch and I think I tweeted about it every time they played it during lunch. Some days, I really needed a mid-day boost like that.
We love her because of her incredible and contagious energy. It's really catchy. When she's performing, you can really tell that she's doing something that she loves what she does.
We love her because of her self-love. It inspires us to love ourselves. She rocks out with confidence because she is beautiful....she helps us remember that we're beautiful also.
"You are gorgeous just as you are...as long as you believe it."
I stumbled upon this video while watching Jason Segel interviews on youtube and I just had to share it. When someone is brave enough to love their body despite society's standards we should applaud them and embrace them. We all deserve the right to love our bodies and to have a wonderful and healthy self-esteem. Love you some you.
I think this is a good time to talk about the website Stop Hating Your Body. It's fabulous to love every aspect of your body. I think it's important to think about the things you already love and what they allow you to do. You will find a lot of examples of this on this website. Remind yourself of what you're proud of and what you love. It's a great way to improve your self-esteem.
I'm alive!
I've found ways to express my feelings, although sometimes I don't.....
I have people in my life who love me.
I'm getting an education!
I've learned that it's okay to be myself and love me some me.
Tip 7: Wear comfortable clothes that you like, that express your personal style, and that feel good to your body.
It's good to be you. You won't feel good if you're not comfortable with what you've got on. It's important that you be yourself and that you're comfortable with who you are. You have to embrace yourself and express yourself.
Tip 6: Don’t let your weight or shape keep you from activities that you enjoy.
Just so you know, no matter what the number on the scale is, it does not define you. You are so much more that a number on the scale. Don't be afraid to do what you love. Don't be afraid to look at the world and say, "this is me and this is where I belong. get used to me." When you do what you enjoy, you're entire body feels it and is happy too.
You want to go swimming? Go ahead and go swimming. You want to be a boxer? Be the best boxer ever. You want to do Cartwheels down the street? Be careful and have fun. You want to play tennis? Be the next Serena Williams. You want to grow a garden? Go ahead and grow the most beautiful garden and wear a sunhat. You want to dance? Be the greatest dancer.
Be true to yourself and do what it is that makes you happy and you will feel so good!
"Never let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game."
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