World Suicide Prevention Day: I'm so happy that you're alive

Today, September 10th, is World Suicide Prevention Day. The love and support and compassion shown on this day has always meant so much to me. I think this day serves as a reminder that mental illnesses are real. I think this serves as a reminder that you're not alone in what you're going through. Seeing love written on someone else's wrist reminds me that there's someone who cares and they'res someone who has possible been in the same place that I've been. There's a possibility that we'll all rise above our thoughts that trap us in the middle of the night. Today is a day to be aware and spread awareness. This day is reminder to share resources and be there for one another. Every and any ounce of your strength and hope can help another person and you can achieve that just by being yourself and being there. Listen, talk, share your experiences, spread hope. Every bit counts.

Your life matters always. You deserve to be here always. Every bit of you is important and every bit of you deserves to be here. In your pain, your stress, your sadness, depression, you matter and you deserve to be here. At 4am, 5pm, 3pm, 24/7--you matter, your life matters, and you deserve to be here! During finals week, first week of school, first day at a new job, or in between careers---your life matters and you deserve to be here! When you don't know what you want to do with your life or when you're finding that adulthood is not what you expected, remember that your life matters and you deserve to be here! Bad day, bad week, bad month, bad year--your life matters and you deserve to be here. No matter what, you matter. Your life matters and you deserve to be here!

♥

"You are a child of the universe! No less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here."

 --- 

Resources:

• suicdepreventionlifeline.org
• 1-800-273-8255 (Suicide Hotline US)
• thenicestplaceontheinter.net
• talkspace.com
• 7cupsoftea.com
• thequietplaceproject.com
• http://thequietplaceproject.com/thethoughtsroom/
• Crisis Text Line: Text “SUPPORT” to 741741
• Suicide Prevention Help Guide 
• 11 Facts About Suicide 
• International Association for Suicide Prevention
• Dealing with Suicidal Thoughts

Food for Thought

My lovely friend Lauren occasionally posts "food for thought" prompts on her blog. This prompt was, "write a letter to a person who has had a bad day."

For you, with love:

I want you to know that you're so much more than what you're going through right now. How you're feeling today does not define you. You're more than this day. Take a deep breath. I can't change that today was tough but here are some things I want you to remember. You matter. You will survive this. You're alive. You matter. I'm glad you're alive. I'm happy that you're still here. Today won't last forever.

Sometimes were sent bad days so that we appreciate the good days. Some people say that it's always darkest before the dawn. My favorite quote to get me through those harder days is "Be strong now because things will get better. It might be stormy now but it can't rain forever." This song also helps me a lot. Beautiful Flower by India Arie.

I hope this helps. If not, it's okay to take a break. Sit down. Don't forget to take care of yourself. Do a little bit of what makes you happy. Indulge in something special. You deserve love. You deserve something special. You're worth it. 

I'm always here if you need to talk. Please remember that. 

Stay Strong♥

Happy Friday!!

It's finally Friday and I could not be happier. I've been super busy this week. I had two papers due at the beginning of the week, I was working on the campaign, I volunteered at the polls, I was all over the place so I'm really looking forward to relaxing this weekend. Here is what's been keeping my happy this week:

• I finished both of my papers on time! They haven't been graded yet but I know that I won't be getting any points off for late work
• I volunteered at a polling location on Election day with the USF Feminist Majority workers. We were advocating a vote "no" on a certain amendment but we were also mainly encouraging people to go vote. We were also helping people find their correct polling locations telling them what they needed to have before they were allowed to vote.
• I volunteered for the Barack Obama for America campaign. I love talking to people and meeting friendly people, especially when they're excited about exercising their right to vote. It's a beautiful thing. I spoke to students on campus, handed out posters and buttons, and I called voters in different states. Calling jobs are tricky. People don't like it when you call them. Especially if you're calling to campaign for the candidate that they don't want or if you're calling during dinner. I have experience with cranky callers and I was really excited because of what I was doing so I didn't really mind the rude people. They tone it down when you continue to be kind and respectful. It pays to be nice.
• I'm an intern at fitsmi.com and we've had a lot of new members join so that's really exciting! I got to welcome them all to the wonderful fitsmi community and I really hope that they can find a home there. It's really a great website to visit. 
• President Barack Obama was re-elected. I couldn't be happier. 
• On election night, Tammy Baldwin became the first openly gay person to ever be elected to Senate. Mazie Hirono became the first Asian American woman to be elected to Senate. Tammy Duckworth became the first female disabled veteran to be elected to the House of Representatives. Mary Gonzalez became the first openly pansexual person to be elected to Senate. There are more firsts that happened with this election and they all are reminders that who we are matters and what defines us can't hold us back. We can do great things. You can do great things. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise!
• It's getting colder here in Florida. It feels amazing. I love this time of year! Cold weather means it's getting closer to the holidays and that means no school and that means more times to spend time with family! Love it!
• As always, my family and friends!

I think that this week left me feeling inspired and empowered. I got a lot of good out of this week but it has also taken all of my energy. I also learned a lot about myself during this week. I learned what it means to stand up for what I believe in on a larger scale than I ever have before. This week left me feeling like I've made a difference in my life and the lives of others. 

I hope you had a good week and that your weekend is even better! Love you lots! :) ♥

smile.

I had a good day. I hope you did too.
I was looking back at older posts and I want to share some things.
Flashback of hope

feelings.

I found this in a magical place and I thought that it would most definitely fit here. I know that we've all had our struggles and some of us are still struggling. Our struggles make us stronger. They make us stronger. They give us stories. What ever you are struggling through right now, I want you to know that you are strong. You'll make it through and you'll gain from it. You'll gain strength and knowledge. Know that you're bigger than what you're facing and you can tackle it.

You're not alone.

My life is a whole lot brighter after watching the live stream of the red carpet at Trevor Live. The theme of the night is "You're not alone." I love it so much! There were so many sources of inspiration. Inspirational quotes, videos, people...it was so beautiful. I just loving seeing so many people who are getting together to end bullying. I'm going to post some of the inspirational stuff here.

Since the theme of the night is "You're not alone" and because this is something very near to my heart, I would like to let you know that You aren't alone. You are bigger and you are stronger than the rough times that you're going through. Your heart will heal beautiful. You deserve the love and happiness of this world. It is your birthright. Don't give up. Stay Strong. You're going to make it okay?

kiyannaloves@yahoo.com

Poop.

Even when I feel like I don't belong, I try to be really strong because that's the only way I'll be able to make it out. It really scares me that I'll never find a place where I feel like I completely belong. I have a place in mind but I'll never know for sure if I don't try. I think I will but even if I don't, I know that one day, I'm going to feel comfortable somewhere.
It's not weird that I feel this way. It just encourages me to work harder so that I don't have to feel this way once my life is established. Never never never give up!

Our Inspiration #2

Demi Lovato:

First, this girl is absolutely gorgeous! She came up a lot in response to the inspiration question. I love her. I used to listen to her song 'Gift of a Friend' every morning before school. It was part of my very inspiring "get up and go, you can make it through this day" playlist that my senior year so badly needed. She is so special. I think she came up a lot in the answers because we can relate to her. She's just like me. She's just like us. She goes through the battles that we've gone through or are going through and she turns around and shows the world how strong she is.

Her voice is so very powerful and so very beautiful. I remember hearing it from the last row of the Ford amphitheater in Tampa on September 4 2008. We were so far back and she looked so tiny and the sound was malfunctioning a little bit but we heard her and we felt her voice. I was getting goosebumps! All I could think about was how talented this girl is and look how far she's come since then.

I know how hard things get but I know that making it through it is possible. I don't know her personally but I'd like to think that whatever I'm going through, she's got my back. She's fighting for us.

Battlefield

Don't forget that we are ALL fighting our own personal battles, big and small. There is a war around us and we're all fighting but we're all oblivious to it at the same time. We see how strong we are every single day but do we use it? Are we using our power for the well being of ourselves and our world. We only get one planet, one life, and one chance to live. We can't just let it pass us by and then realize that time has been wasted. Stand up for what you believe in. People die for what they believe because they weren't afraid to stand for something.

Stand up for what is right! Sit and pray, talk, wish, rally, dance, believe....do whatever it is that you have to do to see this war around us and stand up and fight the good fight as well. Make a difference. Live for freedom.

Fight the Power :)

When are you going to fight for me? We're all fighting. Fighting for ourselves, for what we believe in, for the people we love, for our dreams. We are a fighting people. Sometimes we forget to fight together for a common goal but that's besides the point right now. I just don't want to fight alone. I want to fight with you. Together. Don't just leave me here alone. I fear that nothing would get accomplished. I know that I could get things done but it's nice to know that someone has your back. I'll support you if you let me. Will anyone support me?

Be strong and keep going♥

I love that I'm constantly learning. The newspaper, magazines, classes, friends, family. I love it. I love sharing and meeting people. I love the possibilities of new ideas and all the ways we can share them with the world. I love the powers of word and language. It's beautiful. Love is louder. Amazing!

A quote by Mohamed ElBaradei to the beautiful strong protesters, "You are the owners of this revolution. You are the future."

be strong because you're loved.
Keep going because you're beautiful.

I am beautiful♥

I am BEAUTIFUL.

I was made this way. I struggle to see it but I know it's there. I can no longer afford to listen to the lies. I can't be put down anymore. I'm way too beautiful and precious for that.

I hope you know that you're beautiful and precious too.

smiling song this week :)

Love is on its way.

Happy Monday!

You shouldn't start a day with the feeling that it's going to be a bad day. I usually just assume that Mondays will be horrible and long because I usually have a really busy day.

Today caught me by surprise however. My morning class was canceled because our TA never showed up. We waiting the required 15 minutes and then an extra 2 minutes to give him the benefit of the doubt and then we ran out of there like it was a crime scene. It felt so good not to spend an hour or so discussing chemistry and doing our weekly quiz. I went back to my room and got all comfy before my Chemistry lecture which felt shorter today then it usually does. My Chem professor also decided to play the song Free Fallin' before class began. I delightfully sang along. I then had more time to relax in my room. The dining hall had yummy chicken salad that I love. It tastes so good, makes my day every time. Now I have more time to relax, blog, and get some work done. This is the best Monday I've had in a while.

I will never again underestimate the power of a brand new day. I guess there can always be beauty everywhere you look. Today it was found in the form of relaxing and breathing room throughout the day. WONDERFUL!

inspirational song this week :)

"When the sky is darkest, you can see the stars."

love is louder

End bullying. There is no excuse to hurt people or to push them to the edge of death with endless taunting, jeers, or rude and demeaning remarks. It's not fair. This cycle that is ending countless, precious lives needs to stop! How many tears must flow, lives lost, blood shed, before the world sees that action needs to be taken? How long before society sees that love is louder than hate. Love is louder than pain. There is never an excuse to hurt people. I'll never understand why anyone thinks it's okay It blows my mind when ever I think about it but I know that's there will be a day when this horrible cycle ends and love can be heard through all the confusion and pain. We have to take baby steps but there is no doubt that if we work together and work on the love, we can it "Don't give up on love, just hold on."

my henna tattoo!

"All the flowers of tomorrow are in the seeds that we sow today."

I know it's hard right now but one day I'll wake up and it'll all be working. I was thinking about giving up buy I'm worth so much more than that. I'm gonna keep on keeping on. Tomorrow is a brand new day and I'm putting my heart in to it. Nothing is going to hold me back anymore. People have worked too hard to get me here and I have to make it for me so that I'll be the happy princess that they want me to be. The princess that I've been trying to be for ages.

Everytime I look at it, I smile. I'm so glad it's there. I've been needing an instant smile lately.

I bid you feelings farewell!

So I've reflected on my senior year and I've finally figured out how I felt for it and I can now explain the emotional roller coaster that was the epitome of my senior year. I thought about it one night, several nights actually, and it actually made it cry.

To sum it up, I guess I can say that I didn't really like it....I think I actually used the word hate when I was thinking about it. So I think it would best to just let it all out. I apoligize in advanced i it doesn't make any sense. I just want to remember the feeling so that it's clear to me that I'm out of the darkness and I'm actually happy now. I'm a happier person now. It's not perfect but I really like it.

Basically, my senior year and most of my high school experience was extrememly mentally, emotionally, and physically draining. I think I had to struggle a lot with making it through the day and it was really hard to fight so hard just to make it through a day and then a week and then a year. It was unbelieveable now that I think about it. Im really proud of mysel because I did make it through and there were many times that I was really close to not making it.

I was so unhappy the I'm not sure where real happiness began and pretend happiness ended. I basically felt no love unless I was at home and when I was home it was hard to be loving because I was so tired of fighting through the day. It was just ruining so many things or me. I hated all the crying. I was sick of sitting in classes crying or going to the bathroom to go cry. I was sick of feeling alone in such a crowded place. I think it was more than just feeling alone though. I didn't feel like I was accepted for being myself and what else was I really supposed to be? I thought I was pretty okay, average, and most days I loved me. I'm not like a lot of the people I was surrounded by but so what if I'm different. I like different things, I listen to different kinds of music, that's me and it was absolutely disgusting that I was teased for things like that by people in high school, people preparing for the real world, to be adults and that's how they treated people. Like they were little kids and bullying was okay.

That high school is the only place that I know of in this entire world where about 98% of the population is okay with hurting people and knowing that they hurt people. Sometimes it was more than just being okay with it. I've seen people be happy with the fact that they know they've hurt someone and it was so heartbreaking to me. I'm sure no one likes getting hurt but it's probably hard to get hurt when you can hurt someone so easily.

I was just sick of how clear the presence of dishonesty was. Even when I think of it now, I can barely pick out who was true and who wasn't. I'm not stupid though. I know that I only had a few friends because hey I wasn't accepted but what really hurt me was when people tarnish my random acts of kindness. I knew that they were stupid and useless but they were the only things keeping me sane. If I didn't see love or kindness or any form of compassion then I had to cry so I couldn't let that happen even if it meant I had to put inspirational quotes on little cards or stay up to bake cookies for people who didn't really care. It was crazy though, I loved doing it because it made my heart happy even though people made it known how annoyed they were by it. I couldn't stop because if I did then I would have nothing else to make me happy except for the fact that the end of the year was near and I didn't have to deal with it anymore. It was so hard for me to watch so many happy people and just know that I could never be happy in that environment.

It felt like, by their standards, I didn't deserve that and I never will but everyone deserves happiness and love and it was just unbelieveable to be around so many people and get the vibe that I didn't matter because I didn't look a certain way and I didn't dress a certain way, and I didn't like certain things and although your heart is broken, the vibe that "we don't care because you're not worth it." That's how I felt for pretty much 90% of my senior year.

I'm so happy now though and I learned so much from what I went through. I learned that the town and high school I was in sucks all the energy and happiness out of me and that's a really good thing to know. I know where not to start a family. I know that the tears and the broken heart wasn't just me. There was nothing wrong with me. That's something that I really needed to figure out. Most importantly, I learned that I am worth happiness and love. I was just blinded by the blind, unaccepting and uncaring people around me.

PS, my goal wasn't to offend anyone. I just needed to let it out and share my story.

The Waiting Room

"I think Mother Nature has a cure for most everything...'cept human nature..."

So this week, I had to read a play called The Waiting Room. I had to read it as part of my women's study class, the female experience in America. I just finished the play. It wasn't too long, only about 75 pages but it carries a phenomenal impact. I mean, I am so excited that I had the chance to read the book. I learned so many things that I kind of already knew. It's like I gained a new persepctive on things that I though I had an awesome perspective on already. Also, I totally cried. I love books and movies that make me cry. To me, that means they hit a special place deep inside of me. Which I think is awesome it's crazy sometimes to think that books are so powerful. they don't have arms or legs and they don't have brains or anything but they have the power to reach into and sometimes just become apart of you and I think that's so marvelous.

In the play, there were a lot of instant favorite lines for me. Lines that I read, and I was just like, wow....this needs to be shared asap! So that's what I'm going to do. I hope everyone could get the chance to read this play and see it, hopefully, like I saw it.

random pictures :)