Seven, Eight. Don't Be Late.

• Don't be afraid to say "No."
• Don't be afraid to say "Yes."'

You have the right to make choices about your own life. It's okay for you to say no. It's okay for you say yes. Having decisions over your own life is so empowering.

Don't let other people decide your life. You have the power to be your own advocate. This is the foundation of being true to yourself and taking care of your self. This is being honest. When you say yes or no, you're following your belief.

Saying no does not make you selfish. Saying yes doesn't make you selfish. What's best for you is what's important and taking care of yourself means that you answer for you.

Celebrating Me: February 6th

I took this picture before I left for my first day of work at my first post-graduation job. Today I felt excited. I feel happy to be in the skin I'm in today. I even bought myself a little gift. I spent my morning watching one of my favorite shows, Frasier, while I enjoyed a delicious cup of coffee. After coffee I had a very relaxing facial. I wanted to paint my nails today but I didn't have the time. I had a good first day at my job and I'm excited to see what tomorrow will bring. I enjoyed today and I'm thankful for it.

Quote of the Day:

"I am a true believer in the best about me." -Iyanla Vanzant

Celebrating Me: January 6th

I want to get into the habit of celebrating myself. So I decided to have a photo shoot with myself every month on the 6th. I tried to do this my senior year of high school to see how much I changed over the months but I don't think I was there emotionally to celebrate myself every month. I've changed a lot since then so I want to try it this year.

Every month on the 6th, I'm going to get dolled up, or not, and get comfy with my camera. I pick the 6th so that it will fall on my birthday come August. So I did my photo shoot today and I loved it. I really felt great about it so I'm going to write it off as self care. I think I'm going to keep up with this to the best of my abilities.

I was really exciting about my photo day! I got to play with my make-up and feel glamorous! I loved it. What I thought was interesting was that my favorite photo was myself in my satin cap right before I washed my make-up off.

The photos:

Today I feel at peace. I feel productive. I'm relaxed. I'm happy to be in my own skin today. I enjoyed a great cup of coffee today. I didn't do everything on my to-do list but I'm okay with that. Today was a pretty good day!

My quote of the day is, “The first time someone shows you who they are, believe them.”
― Maya Angelou. 

Positive Affirmation: March 2013

“I am a wonderful woman who is constantly healing and growing to become stronger as each day goes by.” --Kiyanna Shanay’s positive affirmation

I went to an empowerment conference a few months ago designed by the Black Female Development Circle, an organization at my school created to uplift, educate, and empower women. I’m always looking for environments that focus on uplifting and empowering people so needless to say I loved it! The affirmation I made that day was from their self-esteem workshop.

My affirmation is a reminder to myself not to give up. I shouldn’t give up on my dreams. I shouldn’t give up on myself. Everyday I’m learning more about myself and I’m growing as a person. I’m beautiful. I’m wonderful and I’m worth whatever effort it takes to keep on going on.

My affirmation is a reminder to me that it’s okay to have bad days. It’s okay to take a personal day if things get too tough to handle. It’s an important part of my self-care.

My affirmation is a reminder to me that self-care is important. Taking care of myself is so important because if I don’t take care of myself than how will I be able to grow and to thrive?

My affirmation reminds me that I’m more than my past experience, my past downfalls, my rough days, my g.p.a., my grades, my fights, or my disappointments. I’m much more than that. I’m my own person who is learning from past mistakes and who in understanding more and more that mistakes are okay. We grow out of the darkness to rise again—and be better than we were before.

There is good in everyday. My positive affirmation is a reminder of that.

Five, Six, Pick up Sticks

• Never speak bad about yourself. No one knows you like you know yourself and you are the person that you should love and respect the most. Being hard on yourself is never healthy. It's okay to forgive yourself for your mistakes. Everyone makes mistakes. It's a part of life. Apologize to yourself. Talk to yourself. Tell yourself that you're wonderful. In the morning tell yourself that you're going to have a great day because you deserve to.
• Never give up on your dreams.  Good dreams are hard to come by. If you have something that you so strongly believe in, go after it. Don't let it go.

Three, Four, Shut the Door

• Don't be a people pleaser.  It's okay to say no sometime. Sometimes you really need to. Also, when you say no, you don't owe anyone an explanation. Like Oprah said, "No is a complete sentence."
• Trust your instincts. No one knows you better than you know yourself. Trust yourself.

Hope you're doing well♥ 

What happened to me was not my fault

This wonderful woman is Staceyann Chin. She's a poet, performer, and activist. Her performances are so powerful. I'm sharing this clip of one of her memorable performances because I think this message is incredibly important for women. Remember to be proud of who you are. Love all parts of yourself because there is no one else out there like you. Be the epitome of your name and your soul. No one can be a greater you. Be that great person that you deserve to be. Anything that has happened to you in the past that has shaken you was not your fault. What someone else did in hope to cut you down was not your fault. The person who violated you was in the wrong. What happened to you was not your fault. 

 “I wish every woman had the pen, the clear view and the support she needs to scream: WHAT HAPPENED TO ME WAS NOT MY FAULT”

--Staceyann Chin

One, Two, Buckle My Shoe!

Remember these two things because you're wonderful and I love you.

1. Stay away from drama and negativity as much as possible.

Sometimes this is hard. Especially in the younger stages of life. An example of this is a high school setting. There is so much negativity in high school. I wrote all through high school to get cope with the negativity and to try to remain positive but there were some days when it was just really hard. Does anyone know why high school was so difficult? Anyway, my suggestion to those of you who can't escape negativity but want to avoid it is to focus on yourself during those moments. Remind yourself that you can make it through difficult situations and that you're worth more than the negativity surrounding you. Drama is just a category at the academy awards. Please don't let it ruin your life.

---

Avoid as much drama and negativity as you can. When it's possible cut it out of your life when you see it. Get away from it before it ruins you. Sometimes it's hard to escape the drama and negativity. In those times I think it's best to find an escape. An escape can be anything you do to get your mind off of the negative factors that you can't avoid as easily. Some examples are reading a book, writing, watching tv, painting your nails, crocheting/knitting, crafts, talking to friends, listening to music, etc.

2.  Let go of what you can't control. There are things in life that you just can't change. In these cases, you just have to accept it and keep going. Why stress on something you can't change?

---

Sometimes things happen and it's out of your control. Sometimes you just have to let life happen. Some things just need to play out on their own. This can be very difficult to accept but once you do, you'll find yourself no longer obsessing over the things in life that you cannot change or prevent. Although it's hard to stop, obsessing over things that are out of our hands is very detrimental to our health and well-being.  One thing I find that helps me stop obsessing over things is writing them down. Get a book or some sheets of paper and write down all of those obsessive thoughts. Get them on paper instead of letting them float in your head. When you've written all that you can, close the book and put it away. It won't rid you of the thoughts forever but I find that when writing all my emotions at once, I can find what it is about the situation that is bothering me the most and if possible I can change my attitude towards that thing.

 These are from "10 steps to self care." I'll be posting them in two-by-twos! :) 

*Edited April 6, 2014 

Your Rights: Safe Places & Self-Care

I want to share this with you just as a reminder that safe places are important. It's important to be in an environment where you are comfortable to express yourself and your feelings. If someone makes you feel like less of a person when you try to be your self or express your feelings then they are not providing you with safe place. They may not be doing it on purpose but it happens so you just have to be on the look out for people who may be bringing you down. That way, you're taking care of yourself. You should never feel belittled for talking about what's important to you.
When you're in a situation like this, it's hard to figure out what to do. You might not want to eliminate them completely from your life so what do you do? I think when you have someone in your life that is providing a high amount of toxic energy but you can't separate yourself there are a few things you can do.

• Try to avoid topics that result in conversations that can hurt you and further damage your relationship. If you're struggling with body issues and this person is constantly policing your body, then try not to have conversations about your body with them. 
• Let them know that certain things that they say bother you. If someone tells you to just "cheer up" when you're feeling depressed, tell them why that's not okay. Tell them that when they say things like this to you, it hurts you because it makes it seem like the depression you feel is something simple that can just be fixed by changing your facial expression.
• Focus on the positives. Try to ignore any negatives that they may be sending and vent later if you need to.
• Most importantly, remember that you are enough. You're a beautiful and wonderful person. No one can ever change that.

I found this link of a list of Your Legitimate Rights. Keep these in mind when you're struggling.

1. You have a right to need things from others. 
2. You have a right to put yourself first sometimes.
3. You have a right to feel and express your emotions or your pain.
4. You have a right to be the final judge of your beliefs and accept them as legitimate.
5. You have the right to your opinions and convictions.
6. You have the right to your experience - even if it’s different from that of other people.
7. You have a right to protest any treatment or criticism that feels bad to you.
8. You have a right to negotiate for change.
9. You have a right to ask for help, emotional support, or anything else you need (even though you may not always get it).
10. You have a right to say no; saying no doesn’t make you bad or selfish.
11. You have a right not to justify yourself to others.
12. You have a right not to take responsibility for someone else’s problem.
13. You have a right to choose not to respond to a situation.
14. You have a right, sometimes, to inconvenience or disappoint others.

♥ 

Day 28

Something Vintage

Here's an old picture of me. ♥

 

Semester Over

Now it's time to relax. This past semester was really hard for me and because I was struggling with so many things, I felt like a total failure. Of course now when the semester is over, I look back and realized that, "Hey, I'm not crazy, I survived this shit." I really wasn't sure I was going to make it out of there okay but I guess I did.

I'm still in a place where I'm punishing myself with lack of sleep or sleeping through the days and losing valuable time when the kids are at school and I can actually get work done but I'm working on it. It's a lot better than the things I was punishing myself for during the semester. I had a lot of moments last semester where I blamed myself for a lot of things that I had or have no control over and that was wrong. That isn't healthy at all. I need to learn to stop blaming myself for these things. The thing is, I only begin to blame and punish myself during the most stressful parts of the semester which for last semester was from spring break until the day I moved out of my residence hall.

My summer courses begin this week so I'm going to take that opportunity to balance my self-care with my school work. This past spring, self-care and school work just crashed and everything went downhill. It's so important to take care of yourself. I had to have on of my dear professors remind me of this a few weeks ago. Work is important and reaching your goals is important but you can't make it if you're not taking care of yourself. I know that everyone is different but I think that you should take some time out from working your ass off and spend maybe an hour or so doing something just for you. It could be something spiritual, crafty, sporty, whatever your heart desires that just relaxes you and keeps you from going crazy. Sometimes you need to open up and let it all out in addition to doing something that relaxes you. I'm working on this and hopefully, I will take my own advice in upcoming semesters. I'd like to avoid another downward spiral just because I decided not to take care of myself in the way that I should have.


As always, if you need to talk about anything, I'm here to listen
email: kiyannaloves@yahoo.com
twitter: http://twitter.com/kiyannashanay
tumblr: http://kiyannasquotebook.tumblr.com

It's a new day.

Don't let insecurities ruin your mind or you life. Live free and be you. You are wonderful.

Endless message

So I say this a lot. I say it a lot because I know it's true. I know that it's something we all need to here. I'll keep saying it as long as I can. I look around all the time and I still see the need for it.

You are absolutely beautiful. You're a beautiful soul in a beautiful body. Claim your body and love your body. It's the only one you'll ever have. Respect it and cherish it.

Love yourself. You're special. Be proud of yourself. Tell yourself the truth, that you are beautiful and you make the world a better place just by being in it.

Be you. Love you.

Please listen to me.

The world we live in isn't perfect and you don't have to be either. Don't try to compare yourself or your life to societies standards of beauty or happiness. You won't accomplish anything that way. The best thing you can ever be is yourself and once you accept that, I believe that you can find happiness or at least begin your journey to freedom.

Don't let anyone tell you that you don't deserve love or you don't deserve to call yourself beautiful. You're worth so much more than the hate and the ugliness that society sometimes tries to spread. Don't believe it. You are wonderful.

Be Confident.

Tip 5:Walk with your head held high, supported by pride and confidence in yourself as a person.

Be confident. Are you feeling the body love yet? Confidence is key. If we don't love ourselves then who will? My theory is that when I believe in myself, I'm always a winner. Believe in yourself and you'll be a winner. Winners can accomplish anything. It's all in you. I can see it from here.

Rev Your Engines.

Love your body in 20 days!....Just kidding. There is no step by step guide to loving anything and there is no limit on how long it takes to love someone, including yourself. There are however, tips and ways to help you love your body. I have seen so many but I found a list by Dr. Margo Maine, Ph.D. that I especially love and want to share one each day. This list was compiled for the National Easting Disorders Association.

Tip 1: Think of your body as the vehicle of your dreams. Honor it. Respect it. Fuel it.

I don't think I have a dream car so I'm just going to put a picture of a zebra here instead. I'm sure it saves a lot more on gas anyway.
"Honor it." I understand this to mean that I should love my body/dream zebra. Treat it like a queen.

"Respect it." Don't call it bad names. Names like Disgusting, Horrible, Garbage, Ugly, etc., are bad. Names like Beautiful, Wonderful, Phenomenal, etc., are good. You don't have to go all out but i think it helps if to be happy about it. Love the skin you're in.
"Fuel it." This can be taken a lot of different ways. What I see it as, is enjoy life. It's okay to indulge when needed. I think it means not to starve yourself. I also see it as meaning that you should try to stay healthy. Don't forget that aside from being yummy, bringing families together, and preserving culture, food is a primary source of energy and it's good for your body.

To all my underdogs

The best thing in this world that you can ever be is yourself. Stand up and be proud of you! Celebrate the person you see in the mirror because there is no one quite like you. This is why I have chosen this song as my random inspirational song of the day. It's a great song to rock out to, it has a great message, and it's so catchy. I love being me and I love me some me. I like it that way.

healing princess

how long have I known this? I live my life for me and it is far too precious to be filled with negativity. I shouldn't feel emotionally drained from trying to make it through the day. There are so many things bigger in this world than that. I'm tired about worrying so much about stupid little things. It's tearing my world apart from the inside out and it really shouldn't. So, again, I vow to respect myself and think happy thoughts. I'm going to do what makes me happy. I'm going to be myself.

I'm proud of the things I love like Harry Potter, Rupert Grint, All things Disney, coloring, sleeping, family, smiles, sappy movies, etc....I just really shouldn't be fighting to defend who I am. I love me and I think it's time to stop caring about the people who don't accept me for who I am.

I LOVE ME. sorry if you don't. I can't get ahead trying to please everyone. it just won't work.

love is louder

End bullying. There is no excuse to hurt people or to push them to the edge of death with endless taunting, jeers, or rude and demeaning remarks. It's not fair. This cycle that is ending countless, precious lives needs to stop! How many tears must flow, lives lost, blood shed, before the world sees that action needs to be taken? How long before society sees that love is louder than hate. Love is louder than pain. There is never an excuse to hurt people. I'll never understand why anyone thinks it's okay It blows my mind when ever I think about it but I know that's there will be a day when this horrible cycle ends and love can be heard through all the confusion and pain. We have to take baby steps but there is no doubt that if we work together and work on the love, we can it "Don't give up on love, just hold on."

look at how beautiful you are!

I feel that it's necessary, because i haven't done this in a while, to let the person reading this message to know this:

you are not alone. You're a person with many feeling and emotions and although they may be extremely complex and hard to understand at times, you are not alone.

You are loved and even though that idea is can hard to wrap your head around all the time, it's true. It's hard to see sometimes but the love is always there. It's always around. it may be hard for some people to communicate that love to you and it fogs your vision for a while but you can't forget that the love is there. It's a struggle but it's worth it once your heart begins to smile and the emptiness you were feeling goes away.


love is a battlefield and it is worth the fight and to be certain that you win the fight, you have to love yourslf.


one last important thing, you're beautiful. it's in the way you walk and talk and breathe and basically, it's just in you. it's waiting to be embraced and if you haven't acknowldged and embraced it then how do you think other people will do the same.


Truth is you were wonderfully created and your uniqueness is what gives you your exceptional and wonderful beauty. i can see it. i see it in everyone. it makes me sad when people don't see it in themselves. I get sad on the days i don't see it in myself but it's another struggle that is very much worth the battle.


do away with the blurry vision and look at the beautiful person that is you!


i love you.

you're absolutely wonderful, strong, and phenomenal. I bet you thought it was impossible to be all those things but take a look in the mirror...the person lookikng back at you is all of those things and so much more. especially if you let them be. don't let that wonderful person stay beneath the surface. introduce them to the world and maybe the world will be a little brighter...maybe your heart will smile and little brighter and the sadness will fade away. maybe we can make a change in this place we call home.

It's possible. I'm sure of it and I dream of it daily,
with love...