24.

It's the last night of my birthday month so I wanted to make sure I've given myself some time to reflect on growing another year older and record my thoughts. I am 24 years old. (Mid-Twenties? At the foot of mid-twenties??) I feel like the years are going by faster. Fast or slow, I'm so thankful to be here. So grateful to be here--still breathing, smiling, crying, and the whole lot. So welcoming of this new year and everything it will bring.

I'm claiming this year as a year of continued growth and self-love. If I could give this year a tagline it would be, "I am deserving." That's a truth that I've been reminding myself of daily lately. I'm deserving of love and self-love and I'm committing to loving myself completely and without apology this upcoming year because I am deserving.

I'm working on forgiving myself for pain that I've caused myself. For the years I didn't love myself. For the time I spent and still spend comparing myself to others and discrediting my own successes and achievements. Forgiving myself for being annoyed with myself when being trapped in the unpopular emotions like anger, sadness, embarrassment, etc. All emotions are important and serve a function. I'm working on forgiving myself for neglecting to validate my feelings because I am deserving.

I'm working on maintaining healthy self-care practices. With 4 more months left of Grad School I'm committing to taking more breaks and remembering to practice self-care even when I have so much work to finish. I learned in this past stressful summer semester that neglecting self-care is not going to reduce stress or anxiety, it's not going to make me work faster, and it's not going to help me get a 4.0. In my experience it makes me sad and stressed--not a great feeling. I've been working on releasing feelings of guilt that make me feel like a slacker when I take a break or a day off from doing my work. I'm working on healing from shame and guilt because I am deserving.

 I'm working on healing. I'm working on celebrating myself and loving myself for who I am. I'm working on surrounding myself with clean healing energy. I'm working on leaving toxic spaces and "leaving the table when love is no longer being served." I'm working on loving myself unconditionally and learning as much about myself as this year has to offer because I am deserving.

I'm still full of dreams. I'm complex. I'm strong and soft at the same time. I am deserving. 

Happy Birthday to Meeee!!!

2015 Happiness Jar Reflection

This is my second year keeping a happiness jar. I loved it so much last year that I had to do it again and I plan on doing it next year as well. I didn't have dates on my memories last year so I made sure I did that this year. There were still some memories that I read and had to think about for a minute because I did not remember them happening at all. Next year I'm going to try to keep up with it better. Between maybe June and December I forgot to add memories so a few weeks ago I tried to remember every happy "jar-worthy" memory and add it to the jar. Despite forgetting about the jar for months at a time, I really love this activity.

I love that it's given me two great traditions. I love decorating my jar at the beginning of the year and I love sitting in my pajamas on New Year's Eve reading the moments from the year that brought me joy and reflecting on what I've learned over the past year. It's really nice.

One of the challenges of reading what I've put in the jar is reading and remembering great moments with people you are no longer on great terms with. This year I learned the importance of moving on. I found a 3 year old tweet today in my timehop that I think it just as relevant today, "at 11:59, keep the good and let go of the bad." Sometimes people are just passing through our lives but it doesn't mean that the shared moments aren't' memorable or that the lessons you've learned from them aren't significant.

Taking the time to reflect is what makes all the difference in how we're able to move on from certain moments. Take the time to love yourself and understand how the people in your life and your experiences are impacting your life and your energy. You are so deserving of love! I love that this activity gives me a chance to remember what good energy I've had around me during the year. My mind already does a great job at keeping bad memories so I'm thankful for a place to keep the good...in print too!

Overall I think I had a pretty good year. Life is full of surprises and challenges but I think I've really grown this year. I've learned to love myself in ways that I haven't before. There have been so many days when I've been so happy to be here and so appreciative of life and the people I love. I hope I can continue to bring this self love into the next year. I've felt more beautiful this entire year (life 98% of the time) and that's been so important for me. I'm so glad to have had another year of life and lessons, good and bad, and I'm excited to see what 2016 will bring.

I hope that 2016 brings you joy, happiness, healing, and anything else you need or desire. Good Luck! Sending you love and good wishes!

May They Stay Rising

This week I had a lot of reasons to smile and be happy. This week started off with a bang. My little brother graduated from the 5th grade! It's so cool to see him grow up. It really shows you how fast life goes by. This is the little baby who bumped me up from an only child to a big sister and now he's on his way to middle school! He looked so handsome in his little suit and I just loved seeing him so excited and proud of himself. I loved that so much!! It was a very exciting day and I can't wait to share more graduation days together! I love him so much!!!

This week I also got to attend the graduation ceremony of my former students! I met the majority of these kids on February 6, 2014. So while I haven't known them their whole lives, they hold a special place in my heart. I worked with them during after school and during summer camp. I began working with them in 4th grade and I was able to move up with them which is a reason I think I was able to create such a special bond with them. It was also exciting that they were the same age as my brother so it was really cool being able to get a glimpse firsthand to what my brother may be experiencing in school because it's so different from when I was in 4th and 5th grade.

For a year and some change, I was able to see them grow. Unfortunately, I had to leave them to focus on finishing my master's degree and I missed them immensely but they are part of the reason that I am pushing myself to finish school strong. I started working there hoping to encourage and empower these beautiful students and they've taught me so much. They encourage me to be better and do better. They are reality and they are the future. I'll be honest, some days were really hard but I wouldn't trade the chaos, hours of long division, research projects, and all the noise for anything! I value the time I spent with them. 

Their successes and the success of all classes of 2015 would be impossible without the incredible support systems that these students have. A special shout out to all the people who support these students especially to my former coworker, Jay, who I am so glad I got to share my time with. We really worked hard to make sure our kids felt loved and empowered. We did our best. Their support system is so vital, their teachers, their school staff, afterschool teachers, their families, and especially their parents. I got to meet so many loving and wonderful parents! So many people got these kids to where they are today and that's so special and important. A part of the reason I consider my students an inspiration for me to do so well in school is that they are proof of what a good support system can do and one day I want to be a licensed professional so I can be better equipped for larger support systems that allow people to thrive in life. 

I'm just so happy that I got the chance to be a part of this milestone in their life and may their life paths be filled of so many more happy moments and accomplishments!

---

Quote of the week:

"Just like moons and like suns,
With the certainty of tides,
Just like hopes springing high,
Still I'll rise."

-Maya Angelou 

May they stay rising!!

Summertime Smiles

Things are starting to heat up which means summertime and the heat that comes along with it is here. I used to have very difficult summers. The transition from living on a the schedule that comes with school to an overwhelming amount of free time used to lead to bouts of depression sometimes because I often had a lot more time t be alone with my thoughts. Being alone with your thoughts for too long leads to over-thinking things and reliving old moments which is never really the best thing to do. Sometimes I also miss sleeping in my own room and bed so although I love vacation, I miss the comfort of the safe space that is my bed.

The last two summers have been pretty good. I stayed where the air conditioning was if there was any, I surrounded myself with good people, I kept busy, and I treated myself well. Each year I learn more about myself and how to love myself better so that I can feel better and be better. I have a lot of things to keep me busy this summer. I have class and I've been working on just generally keeping myself more organized and on task so I'm looking forward to this summer.


It's very important to stay healthy in the summer so here are some helpful summer reminders:

• Drink your water! Drink lots of water. Stay hydrated please
• Don't feel bad about dropping toxic people. It's too damn hot for toxic or unhealthy relationships. Why should you stay around a rain cloud when you are destined for the sun? You are destined for the sun!!
• Keep busy as to not over-think but relax when need be. It's hot so need be comes often
• Eat seasonal produce. Summer produce is some of the most delicious all year. Cherries, apricots, peaches, watermelon, okra, mangoes, eggplant, plums, nectarines, and so much more!!
• Do the things that make you happy. Do them often, if you can. 
• If you have the time to do so, read! There is something really special about reading in the summer. I can say that about every season but summer reading brings me right back to my childhood summers and that's pretty cool.
• Most importantly, stay cool, protect yourself from the sun, and stay hydrated.

Happy (almost) Summer!

10 Quotes to Keep You Going This Week

"Never confuse a single defeat with a final defeat."

-F. Scott Fitzgerald

"The main ingredient to success is failure."

-Albert Einstein

"I am only one, but I am still one. I cannot do everything but I can do something. I will not refuse to do the something that I can do."

-Helen Keller

"When you think you can't...just know you can. Life is hard for a reason. One day you'll see how strong you are. I can see it from here."

"Once you believe yourself, you'll always be a winner." 

-[x]

"You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do."

-Eleanor Roosevelt

"You're off to great places. Today is your day. Your mountain is waiting, so get on your way."

-Dr. Seuss

"It always seems impossible until is done."

-Nelson Mandela

"Something fabulous is out there taking shape, emerging, peeking, calling your name."

"Take a deep breath. Relax and remember how special and important you are. Remember that when you believe in yourself, there is no way that you can lose."

Self Care Reminder: August 23, 2014

Remember this: It's perfectly fine to remove toxic people from your life. It's okay to walk away from situations and relationships that make you feel anything less than the wonderful and deserving person that you are.

Under no circumstances are you obligated to keep negative and toxic people in you life. You do not owe anyone a relationship. You don't owe friendship to anyone who does not value you. You should not have to be something you're not to make someone else happy--especially when they are negatively impacting your life.

I think that one of the most important things to remember about "toxic people" is that they may not necessarily be bad people and sometimes these people are not always negatively affecting your life. It's important to know yourself and know when you need to take a break or when you need to be selfish with yourself. People's personalities tend to change. Think of the wide range of human emotions. Some people release very harmful and negative energy when they are stressed or overwhelmed or angry. Sometimes they say things that they don't mean. If you love these people, it's important to be there for them always but you have to be very careful not to get hurt in the process. Take breaks when things are uncomfortable for you. If it's not someone you love or feel any attachment to, walk away. You don't even need that stress. It's important to try to avoid negativity that hurts you when you're only try to love someone else.

You deserve the best.

Celebrating Me: June 6th

This has been a long week and that ponytail has been working hard! Today was Friday and I was looking forward to it all week! It's the end of a tough week and Orange is the New Black season two came out today! My hair desperately needs to be washed and I'm glad the weekend is here so that I can tend to my hair. I had a pretty good day at work today even though I just wanted to stay at home curled up in my bed.

I'm thankful for all of the people in my life and I'm thankful for my job. In the last month I have had a lot of Dunkin Donuts coffee so I think I should say that I'm thankful for that too.

Last week I bought a bunch of Shea Moisture because it was on sale and I have so many new favorite products. They smell so good and they're good for my hair and skin. Shopping, self care, skin and hair loving all wrapped up in one BOGO event. Love it!

I'm really looking forward to just laying in bed curled up with my laptop. I think I really just need some time to relax so I think I'll spend my Saturday night doing just that. That's the plan, anyway.

I also really want to see the Fault in Our Stars movie. I read the book and absolutely loved it so I can't wait to see it on the big screen. I've spoken with a few people who have seen it already and they all loved it!

Well, it's Friday night and my bed has been calling me since I got out of it this morning! If you're reading this, I hope you have a wonderful weekend!

Quote of the Day!

“My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humor, and some style.” 

-Maya Angelou

I hope you have a great day. Today is your day to thrive. Then the next day and the day after that. You deserve the best. Keep doing your best. I'm proud of you.

Just one of those days

Have you ever had a day where you just had to tell yourself, "I should've just stayed home" or "I should've just stayed in bed." Yesterday was one of those days for me.

I had a horrible stomach ache and was nauseous for the majority of the day. Left the house without an umbrella on the day that all of April's showers wanted to pour from the sky and missed my bus because I had to go back for it. Missing that bus caused me to miss to my transfer and my nauseous self had to wait in the freezing rain for 20 minutes for the next bus. No seats on the bus. Almost got stuck on the bus. Got to work where I began to feel even more sick and eventually had to leave work to go home early because I did not want to faint or throw up at work. Got soaked on my way home and felt no relief from my stomach pain and nausea until I induced vomiting and threw up the entire contents of my stomach. Throughout my day, I just kept thinking, "I should have stayed in my bed."

However, my day had its small accomplishments and bright moments that I cannot overlook. Getting out of bed was hard to do but I did it. Proud of myself for that. Almost getting stuck on the bus would have usually given me way more anxiety than it did yesterday but I think my focusing on not throwing up made it easier to breathe through so I'm thankful I didn't have a panic attack over that. Before getting on the bus a kind stranger paid for my ginger ale because I apparently left my money at home. So I'm really grateful for that kind stranger. And honestly, throwing up was the best part of my day.

It's so interesting to think about what really makes your day. It really works out when you can find some good in a bad day. That doesn't always happen though and that's okay too. Those are the days when you realize, "I need to treat myself for getting through this shit" and there is nothing wrong with that at all!

Just keep going. One day at a time! :)

Quote of the Day

"I am learning every day to allow the space between where I am and where I want to be to inspire me and not terrify me."

-Tracee Ellis Ross
♥

Welcome to 2014!

Happy New Year Everyone!
 

The first day of the new year is here. With 2013 ending with graduating from college, I really feel that this year is the beginning of a chapter in my life. I didn't really make any resolutions but there are many things that I want to try more of this year. I'm excited for this new chapter of life and I really like that it's kind of beginning as the new year begins. I'm still on the search for what's next in my life but with determination and hope I know I'm going somewhere and it's going to be great. I am black excellence!

This year I want to read more. I say this especially because I wasn't always able to read for fun while I was in school. I read a lot of great books that were assigned to me and I'm so glad that I was able to read so many great books but I have a very long list of books that I've wanted to read for a long time so I really want to put a dent into that list. I'm also looking for more books to put on the list. I can't wait to explore the book world again and not worry about how it will interfere with my schoolwork.

I want to write more because I can and it means a lot to me.

I want to hold on to positivity and reject negativity to the best of my ability.

Most importantly, I want to dream more. I want to focus on my dreams and my visions. I'm probably going to make a vision board this year. I've always thought they were pretty cool and I think it will really help me focus on my goals this year.

I sincerely hope that 2014 is good to you. I hope you get what you want from this year. All my good thoughts and wishes go out to you for this year.

---

Here's a quote :) ♥

"The future is simply infinite possibility waiting to happen. What it waits on is human imagination to crystallize its possibility."

-Leland Kaiser

Graduation: December 14, 2013!!

I have some great news! Ready? I am a college graduate!! On the morning of December 14, 2013, I walked across that stage and it symbolized that I've earned my degree! Finally!! It feels so good. I'm so glad that I was able to share that day with some of the most important people in my life.

Sometimes it's hard to believe that I'm done with undergrad. I made it! There were so many times when I wasn't sure if I would ever finish. But I made it. I changed my major a bunch of times, wanted to quit, wanted to transfer, and just give up. Some times it was hard to keep going but I knew that there was a finish line and the only way to get to it was to keep on keeping on. I really made it and this was a day I'll never forget.

I chose the quote "Still I Rise" for my graduation quote because I love the poem and I love Maya Angelou. I really wanted my cap to be a representation of myself. That's why I added the bow as well. I love quotes and I wanted to make sure I used a quote that fit how I was feeling. I'm so happy that I chose this one. It means so much to me.

I've grown so much and I've learned so much about myself and about life during my 3.5 years in school. This chapter of my life is over. It's a little scary but it's also exciting. College brought me so much. So many wonderful people have entered my life and my heart. I have memories and moments that no one can take away from me. I've learned how to take care of myself and how to make me happy. Although there were hard times, I've learned to love myself more and more each day. I'm so thankful for everyone who made my time there so special. I'm also thankful for the people who didn't always make me feel the best because often times, they made me realize that self care and my safe spaces are important. Everyone enters your life for a reason! I have no doubts about that.

I can't wait to see what life brings me next!