Motivation Monday

It's the last Monday of 2013! There are less than two days left in this year. If you're reading this, that means you've pretty much made it through the year. All of your successes, achievements, triumphs, good days, and good memories are yours and yours forever. No one can take them away from you. All bumps in the road and any struggling have passed and you can use those moments to learn and grow from. They're a part of you too. They make you who you are.

This new year is a fresh start and we all know that life happens but this is your opportunity to start things the way you want. Make a vision board. Make positive affirmations. Count your blessings. Take personal days when you need them. Reevaluate what self care means for you and make sure you take care of you! Don't forget that you are very important!

I hope you end 2013 healthy and happy! ♥

Graduation: December 14, 2013!!

I have some great news! Ready? I am a college graduate!! On the morning of December 14, 2013, I walked across that stage and it symbolized that I've earned my degree! Finally!! It feels so good. I'm so glad that I was able to share that day with some of the most important people in my life.

Sometimes it's hard to believe that I'm done with undergrad. I made it! There were so many times when I wasn't sure if I would ever finish. But I made it. I changed my major a bunch of times, wanted to quit, wanted to transfer, and just give up. Some times it was hard to keep going but I knew that there was a finish line and the only way to get to it was to keep on keeping on. I really made it and this was a day I'll never forget.

I chose the quote "Still I Rise" for my graduation quote because I love the poem and I love Maya Angelou. I really wanted my cap to be a representation of myself. That's why I added the bow as well. I love quotes and I wanted to make sure I used a quote that fit how I was feeling. I'm so happy that I chose this one. It means so much to me.

I've grown so much and I've learned so much about myself and about life during my 3.5 years in school. This chapter of my life is over. It's a little scary but it's also exciting. College brought me so much. So many wonderful people have entered my life and my heart. I have memories and moments that no one can take away from me. I've learned how to take care of myself and how to make me happy. Although there were hard times, I've learned to love myself more and more each day. I'm so thankful for everyone who made my time there so special. I'm also thankful for the people who didn't always make me feel the best because often times, they made me realize that self care and my safe spaces are important. Everyone enters your life for a reason! I have no doubts about that.

I can't wait to see what life brings me next!

Motivation Monday

Private Party by India Arie is definitely my inspirational song of choice at the moment. Enjoy! ♥

Motivation Monday

"Sometimes we all need to be reminded to keep going."

 -Kid President

Communication

My favorite parts of the day are when I have the chance to talk honestly with someone. It doesn't have to be a specific topic or even a specific person. I just love being able to be in a conversation and having the opportunity to share ideas and talk about feelings and just generally be in a safe place that promotes healthy thinking. I'm finding that this is an important part of my self care. It doesn't even have to be with someone that I'm really close with--I love those moments when I can talk honestly with the people I care deeply about but I also love when I can talk honestly with people I've just met and with people that I've only known for a short period of time.

This past week, I've had two of those special honest conversations with people that I didn't know that well. Both conversations were about life and the future. We talked about goals and dreams and visions. It was wonderful. It also eased the fears I had of my future plans. I was very glad I had the time to talk to them. The conversations were great enhancements to my life and my spirits.

It's so important to have people around that you can talk to about what's important to you.  People with similar interests, goals, and values. I think it's great to have someone to vent to and talk about your day to. Conversation is important because sometimes they're magical.

Imagine an end of the day conversation over a nice cup of hot herbal tea. That's one of my reasons to smile. ♥

Positive Affirmation: March 2013

“I am a wonderful woman who is constantly healing and growing to become stronger as each day goes by.” --Kiyanna Shanay’s positive affirmation

I went to an empowerment conference a few months ago designed by the Black Female Development Circle, an organization at my school created to uplift, educate, and empower women. I’m always looking for environments that focus on uplifting and empowering people so needless to say I loved it! The affirmation I made that day was from their self-esteem workshop.

My affirmation is a reminder to myself not to give up. I shouldn’t give up on my dreams. I shouldn’t give up on myself. Everyday I’m learning more about myself and I’m growing as a person. I’m beautiful. I’m wonderful and I’m worth whatever effort it takes to keep on going on.

My affirmation is a reminder to me that it’s okay to have bad days. It’s okay to take a personal day if things get too tough to handle. It’s an important part of my self-care.

My affirmation is a reminder to me that self-care is important. Taking care of myself is so important because if I don’t take care of myself than how will I be able to grow and to thrive?

My affirmation reminds me that I’m more than my past experience, my past downfalls, my rough days, my g.p.a., my grades, my fights, or my disappointments. I’m much more than that. I’m my own person who is learning from past mistakes and who in understanding more and more that mistakes are okay. We grow out of the darkness to rise again—and be better than we were before.

There is good in everyday. My positive affirmation is a reminder of that.

What should I do with my life?

“I think the purpose of life is to be useful, to be responsible, to be honorable, to be compassionate. It is after all, to matter: to count, to stand for something, to have made some difference that you lived at all.”

-Leo C. Rosten 

What do you want to be when you grow up? Who would have every thought that would be such a hard question to answer? People have been asking me that question since I was about 5-years-old. My answer constantly changes but lately I’ve been feeling more pressured than ever to pick a career path. It’s almost time to start applying for grad school. I know what I want to do with my life I just don’t know how to go about it. I want to help people. I want to change their lives--make people feel safe and loved and happy. I want to talk to people. I want to appreciate all the beautiful people and things in this world. And I want to be loud about it. I want to share with people and have people share with me. I want to empower and inspire people. I want to be an advocate for myself and for others. I want to educate people. I also want to hug lots of people. 

This is starting to sound like a children’s book. Which is something else I want to do—write children’s books.

 I’ve been pretty set on finding social work masters programs for graduate school. I’m not 100% sure but that’s what makes the most sense to me right now. In my research, I found that you could possibly be a counselor with a Masters of Social Work. Counseling is along the lines of what I wanted to do during my senior year of high school and when I first got to college. I wanted to be a psychiatrist because I wanted to talk to people so that I could help them. At the same time, I wanted so much more than that so I changed my career paths a few dozen times after that. 

I’m stuck on Social Work programs because they pretty closely match what I want to do. If you take all the mushiness out of dream job description, it pretty much screams something that sounds like social work, community development, non-profit work, or something like that. I just don’t know what but I social work seems like a great place to start. The only thing is, I look at many of the programs and their subprograms and concentrations and nothing really ever jumps out at me. It also just seems like they narrow it down so that you have to do one thing for the rest of your life. Why pay so much money just for one career option? I want many options. I want to do many things. I’m determined to touch many lives and I don’t think a narrowed focus in one field will help me with that but I don’t want to not miss out on any chance I can get to help people and I know in this day and age I need some kind of degree on my wall for me to be allowed to help anyone. I guess I’m looking for something with my exact description but since that won’t happen, I guess I’m feeling pretty lost. That really only means that I need to do some more research. Any suggestions?

You need to watch this

To This Day
When I was a kid
I used to think that pork chops and karate chops
were the same thing
I thought they were both pork chops
and because my grandmother thought it was cute
and because they were my favourite
she let me keep doing it
not really a big deal
one day
before I realized fat kids are not designed to climb trees
I fell out of a tree
and bruised the right side of my body
I didn’t want to tell my grandmother about it
because I was afraid I’d get in trouble
for playing somewhere that I shouldn’t have been
a few days later the gym teacher noticed the bruise
and I got sent to the principal’s office
from there I was sent to another small room
with a really nice lady
who asked me all kinds of questions
about my life at home
I saw no reason to lie
as far as I was concerned
life was pretty good
I told her “whenever I’m sad
my grandmother gives me karate chops”
this led to a full scale investigation
and I was removed from the house for three days
until they finally decided to ask how I got the bruises
news of this silly little story quickly spread through the school
and I earned my first nickname
pork chop
to this day
I hate pork chops
I’m not the only kid
who grew up this way
surrounded by people who used to say
that rhyme about sticks and stones
as if broken bones
hurt more than the names we got called
and we got called them all
so we grew up believing no one
would ever fall in love with us
that we’d be lonely forever
that we’d never meet someone
to make us feel like the sun
was something they built for us
in their tool shed
so broken heart strings bled the blues
as we tried to empty ourselves
so we would feel nothing
don’t tell me that hurts less than a broken bone
that an ingrown life
is something surgeons can cut away
that there’s no way for it to metastasize
it does
she was eight years old
our first day of grade three
when she got called ugly
we both got moved to the back of the class
so we would stop get bombarded by spit balls
but the school halls were a battleground
where we found ourselves outnumbered day after wretched day
we used to stay inside for recess
because outside was worse
outside we’d have to rehearse running away
or learn to stay still like statues giving no clues that we were there
in grade five they taped a sign to her desk
that read beware of dog
to this day
despite a loving husband
she doesn’t think she’s beautiful
because of a birthmark
that takes up a little less than half of her face
kids used to say she looks like a wrong answer
that someone tried to erase
but couldn’t quite get the job done
and they’ll never understand
that she’s raising two kids
whose definition of beauty
begins with the word mom
because they see her heart
before they see her skin
that she’s only ever always been amazing
he
was a broken branch
grafted onto a different family tree
adopted
but not because his parents opted for a different destiny
he was three when he became a mixed drink
of one part left alone
and two parts tragedy
started therapy in 8th grade
had a personality made up of tests and pills
lived like the uphills were mountains
and the downhills were cliffs
four fifths suicidal
a tidal wave of anti depressants
and an adolescence of being called popper
one part because of the pills
and ninety nine parts because of the cruelty
he tried to kill himself in grade ten
when a kid who still had his mom and dad
had the audacity to tell him “get over it” as if depression
is something that can be remedied
by any of the contents found in a first aid kit
to this day
he is a stick on TNT lit from both ends
could describe to you in detail the way the sky bends
in the moments before it’s about to fall
and despite an army of friends
who all call him an inspiration
he remains a conversation piece between people
who can’t understand
sometimes becoming drug free
has less to do with addiction
and more to do with sanity
we weren’t the only kids who grew up this way
to this day
kids are still being called names
the classics were
hey stupid
hey spaz
seems like each school has an arsenal of names
getting updated every year
and if a kid breaks in a school
and no one around chooses to hear
do they make a sound?
are they just the background noise
of a soundtrack stuck on repeat
when people say things like
kids can be cruel?
every school was a big top circus tent
and the pecking order went
from acrobats to lion tamers
from clowns to carnies
all of these were miles ahead of who we were
we were freaks
lobster claw boys and bearded ladies
oddities
juggling depression and loneliness playing solitaire spin the bottle
trying to kiss the wounded parts of ourselves and heal
but at night
while the others slept
we kept walking the tightrope
it was practice
and yeah
some of us fell
but I want to tell them
that all of this shit
is just debris
leftover when we finally decide to smash all the things we thought
we used to be
and if you can’t see anything beautiful about yourself
get a better mirror
look a little closer
stare a little longer
because there’s something inside you
that made you keep trying
despite everyone who told you to quit
you built a cast around your broken heart
and signed it yourself
you signed it
“they were wrong”
because maybe you didn’t belong to a group or a click
maybe they decided to pick you last for basketball or everything
maybe you used to bring bruises and broken teeth
to show and tell but never told
because how can you hold your ground
if everyone around you wants to bury you beneath it
you have to believe that they were wrong
they have to be wrong
why else would we still be here?
we grew up learning to cheer on the underdog
because we see ourselves in them
we stem from a root planted in the belief
that we are not what we were called we are not abandoned cars stalled out and sitting empty on a highway
and if in some way we are
don’t worry
we only got out to walk and get gas
we are graduating members from the class of
fuck off we made it
not the faded echoes of voices crying out
names will never hurt me
of course
they did
but our lives will only ever always
continue to be
a balancing act
that has less to do with pain
and more to do with beauty.

-Shane Koyczan

Five, Six, Pick up Sticks

• Never speak bad about yourself. No one knows you like you know yourself and you are the person that you should love and respect the most. Being hard on yourself is never healthy. It's okay to forgive yourself for your mistakes. Everyone makes mistakes. It's a part of life. Apologize to yourself. Talk to yourself. Tell yourself that you're wonderful. In the morning tell yourself that you're going to have a great day because you deserve to.
• Never give up on your dreams.  Good dreams are hard to come by. If you have something that you so strongly believe in, go after it. Don't let it go.

Three, Four, Shut the Door

• Don't be a people pleaser.  It's okay to say no sometime. Sometimes you really need to. Also, when you say no, you don't owe anyone an explanation. Like Oprah said, "No is a complete sentence."
• Trust your instincts. No one knows you better than you know yourself. Trust yourself.

Hope you're doing well♥ 

What happened to me was not my fault

This wonderful woman is Staceyann Chin. She's a poet, performer, and activist. Her performances are so powerful. I'm sharing this clip of one of her memorable performances because I think this message is incredibly important for women. Remember to be proud of who you are. Love all parts of yourself because there is no one else out there like you. Be the epitome of your name and your soul. No one can be a greater you. Be that great person that you deserve to be. Anything that has happened to you in the past that has shaken you was not your fault. What someone else did in hope to cut you down was not your fault. The person who violated you was in the wrong. What happened to you was not your fault. 

 “I wish every woman had the pen, the clear view and the support she needs to scream: WHAT HAPPENED TO ME WAS NOT MY FAULT”

--Staceyann Chin

One, Two, Buckle My Shoe!

Remember these two things because you're wonderful and I love you.

1. Stay away from drama and negativity as much as possible.

Sometimes this is hard. Especially in the younger stages of life. An example of this is a high school setting. There is so much negativity in high school. I wrote all through high school to get cope with the negativity and to try to remain positive but there were some days when it was just really hard. Does anyone know why high school was so difficult? Anyway, my suggestion to those of you who can't escape negativity but want to avoid it is to focus on yourself during those moments. Remind yourself that you can make it through difficult situations and that you're worth more than the negativity surrounding you. Drama is just a category at the academy awards. Please don't let it ruin your life.

---

Avoid as much drama and negativity as you can. When it's possible cut it out of your life when you see it. Get away from it before it ruins you. Sometimes it's hard to escape the drama and negativity. In those times I think it's best to find an escape. An escape can be anything you do to get your mind off of the negative factors that you can't avoid as easily. Some examples are reading a book, writing, watching tv, painting your nails, crocheting/knitting, crafts, talking to friends, listening to music, etc.

2.  Let go of what you can't control. There are things in life that you just can't change. In these cases, you just have to accept it and keep going. Why stress on something you can't change?

---

Sometimes things happen and it's out of your control. Sometimes you just have to let life happen. Some things just need to play out on their own. This can be very difficult to accept but once you do, you'll find yourself no longer obsessing over the things in life that you cannot change or prevent. Although it's hard to stop, obsessing over things that are out of our hands is very detrimental to our health and well-being.  One thing I find that helps me stop obsessing over things is writing them down. Get a book or some sheets of paper and write down all of those obsessive thoughts. Get them on paper instead of letting them float in your head. When you've written all that you can, close the book and put it away. It won't rid you of the thoughts forever but I find that when writing all my emotions at once, I can find what it is about the situation that is bothering me the most and if possible I can change my attitude towards that thing.

 These are from "10 steps to self care." I'll be posting them in two-by-twos! :) 

*Edited April 6, 2014 

Happy Hump Day Quote

This is one of my favorites!

Quote of the Day!

The Lorax

While babysitting this weekend, I made the wonderful decision to watch The Lorax. I had wanted to see it for a long time and I'm so glad it finally started streaming on Netflix. The kids and I loved it so much. I'm a big fan of Dr. Seuss's children's books. I think that they send some great messages. The Lorax teaches kids to be kind to the environment. It also teaches children to stand up for what they believe in and to speak for those who don't have a voice of their own--like the trees. If you see something bad, change it! I also really enjoy how it shows that everything in our world is connected. The small things really do matter! Don't forget that! You have no idea how much something you do today can impact the world you'll live in tomorrow. Check out the trailer for The Lorax. It's streaming on netflix and it's available on DVD!

Your Rights: Safe Places & Self-Care

I want to share this with you just as a reminder that safe places are important. It's important to be in an environment where you are comfortable to express yourself and your feelings. If someone makes you feel like less of a person when you try to be your self or express your feelings then they are not providing you with safe place. They may not be doing it on purpose but it happens so you just have to be on the look out for people who may be bringing you down. That way, you're taking care of yourself. You should never feel belittled for talking about what's important to you.
When you're in a situation like this, it's hard to figure out what to do. You might not want to eliminate them completely from your life so what do you do? I think when you have someone in your life that is providing a high amount of toxic energy but you can't separate yourself there are a few things you can do.

• Try to avoid topics that result in conversations that can hurt you and further damage your relationship. If you're struggling with body issues and this person is constantly policing your body, then try not to have conversations about your body with them. 
• Let them know that certain things that they say bother you. If someone tells you to just "cheer up" when you're feeling depressed, tell them why that's not okay. Tell them that when they say things like this to you, it hurts you because it makes it seem like the depression you feel is something simple that can just be fixed by changing your facial expression.
• Focus on the positives. Try to ignore any negatives that they may be sending and vent later if you need to.
• Most importantly, remember that you are enough. You're a beautiful and wonderful person. No one can ever change that.

I found this link of a list of Your Legitimate Rights. Keep these in mind when you're struggling.

1. You have a right to need things from others. 
2. You have a right to put yourself first sometimes.
3. You have a right to feel and express your emotions or your pain.
4. You have a right to be the final judge of your beliefs and accept them as legitimate.
5. You have the right to your opinions and convictions.
6. You have the right to your experience - even if it’s different from that of other people.
7. You have a right to protest any treatment or criticism that feels bad to you.
8. You have a right to negotiate for change.
9. You have a right to ask for help, emotional support, or anything else you need (even though you may not always get it).
10. You have a right to say no; saying no doesn’t make you bad or selfish.
11. You have a right not to justify yourself to others.
12. You have a right not to take responsibility for someone else’s problem.
13. You have a right to choose not to respond to a situation.
14. You have a right, sometimes, to inconvenience or disappoint others.

♥ 

Happy Weekend!

The first week and the last week of classes are always the mot stressful. There's just a million and one things going on. For me, I know that I have a hard time getting back into that school routine. No more winter break, no more sleeping in and HOMEWORK. I forgot all about homework in the few weeks I had off of school. Now I have homework everyday and deadlines and due dates. You can't just slip back into a routine like that so this weekend I'm going to work on getting myself organized. I'm finding that keeping myself organized keeps me afloat. I can't afford to be unorganized this late in the game. Graduation is just getting closer and closer. My eyes are on the finish line.

I'm hoping this semester goes well. My classes are all very interesting. The class I'm most looking forward to is Politics of Women's Health. The readings seem to be interesting and this class seems to incorporate a lot of the things I find interesting. I don't really have any complaints about my classes this semester but I know that I will have a lot of work to do this semester. I guess that's just the perks of being a student.

I love school but I'm so happy for the weekend to finally be here. These are some of the things that kept me smiling this week:

• my education
• seeing people I missed over break
• volunteering
• free food! (That's always a major perk of the first week of the semester)
• Some of my favorite shows are back! Modern Family, Scandal, and Grey's Anatomy all premiered this week!
• Downtime. I didn't have a lot of time to just relax this week but now they the weekend is here, I can finally unpack and clean and watch a few movies before my course load becomes overwhelming. 

I hope your year has been getting off to a great start.

Love♥

Happy New Year!!

It's the first day of the year and I spent it relaxing with family. The spring semester is going to start soon so I'm glad to have this time to just relax! I'm looking forward to what this year brings. Last night, I tried to make sure that I won't bring any of last year's negative energy into the new year. I will remember the lessons I learned and hope that they can help me in the new year. Remember this quote:

"Today, is the first blank page of a 365 page book. Write a good one."

I hope that 2013 is good to you.