hmmmm....

Have you ever had those negative people in your life that you just want to tell them, "be gone. you don't get me. you make fun of everything that I do. you want me to be just like you but I'm not and since you can except that then get out of my life! I'm my own person and I like what I like and just because they aren't identical doesn't mean that I'm stupid, or weird, or anything like that. except that or let me be. stop making fun of me for being true to myself!"? It's like when I'm around those people, I become a more negative spirit myself but it's hard to stay away because sometimes you really care about these people and don't want to just give up on them.

I find it really hard since everyday I'm fighting to love myself more and to be more positive for me so I don't have to sit in the shower and cry or have all of those suicidal thoughts becasue I know that my life is beautiful and precious and I deserve to be happy. Happiness is one size fits all and I refuse to let anyone influence me against me or make me think that I can't be happy or that it's wrong being true to myself and living my life for me.

I'll just say that it's a little bump in the road for today and even though it was a pretty big bump, the smiles still outweighed the frowns and a happy heart of mine is in the winning corner. My smiles won today especially with the lovely lyrics of Beautiful Flower by India Arie stuck in my head.

There is nothing in the world that you cannot do
When you believe in you,
who are beautiful
Yeah, you, who are brilliant
Yeah, you, who are
powerful
Yeah, you, who are resilient